You know it is hard to sum up 2018 in my mind. I have tried figuring out the easiest way to do this and I am still at a loss. It was a year full of so much grief, hurt and pain for me. Yet it was also a year of so much self recognition and inner soul searching. I grew in my faith that had become dormant prior to this year. I made some wonderful new friends. I grew closer to family and friends. I worked harder to be a better mother to the three most precious men that God has placed in my life. I guess you could say that it was an emotional year. Full of many Ups and Downs.
The funny thing is. I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned more about myself and I am still learning more about myself. It has made me realize that no matter what we have planned. If it’s not God’s plan it won’t work. He has a big plan for me and though I am not sure just what that is yet I am trusting him and his process.
So here we are, “New Year, New me.” But not so much for me. I don’t want to be New I just want to keep growing myself. I decided a few years back to choose a word for the year. Last year was Embrace. Ironic right? I did try and embrace it all though. I felt it all strongly and processed it with strong will. I allowed myself to fall apart and I embraced how they felt too.
Now I am ready for more! I am ready for my “Growth and Healing”, it was to hard for me to just go with one word. New Year = Healing and growth for me. Inside and Out. Physically and Mentally. What exactly does this mean for me? Where in my mind will this lead me? What Goals will I build with these as my root words?
First of all if there was a tail-tale way for me to know what exactly was in store I would be soaring through this crazy life. 2018 clearly showed me I wasn’t boss in my life and I don’t always have control, but it did show me that I can choose how I react to the things that happen in life and grow from them.
Here we go though. Thinking about 2019 and all my main Goals for the year. Things I vow to work towards and push myself hard to obtain.
Weight loss. I don’t have a number for the scale. I just want to lose weight and become healthy again. My intention is to not have to take so many pills and to be a stronger and healthier version of myself.
Inner Healing. Continue seeking counseling and working with someone to get through my bad habits and past patterns.
Growth with God. This one is huge because I want to be able to truly trust him and build a strong relationship with him. Continuing my daily devotionals, prayers and getting to know more and more about the bible.
My Sobriety. Alcohol has always been how I dealt with anything hard in life. I don’t want this to be a cushion or way of life for me anymore. I am going to fully focus on cutting alcohol from my life 100 percent.
No dating or relationships. This is for me. I know in order for me to truly ever be able to open up or love someone ever again I need to heal completely. I want to find myself in the healthiest mental state then I have ever been before. I have so many things I need to work on within myself before I try to add anyone into that mix. (Disclaimer: God has proven I don’t always have control. If someone comes along it will be without a doubt a God thing!!)
Taking mini weekend retreats where I mediate, pray, write and read. This can be as much as focusing on these things at home the weekends the boys are with their dad.
Write my book. I believe God has given me writing as my talent to help other people. I hope that in finishing my book and getting it out there it can help someone. Even one person would make it worth it for me.
Take my boys on vacation. Somewhere fun and that we have never been.
Work on my finances and building my credit score back up.
Creating moments of happiness that enable me to grow and heal from the inside out.
Trust the process. Trust that what is put out in the Universe is what we get back and I am going to work to put out as much good as I can.
Read and Write as much as I can! These things heal my soul and help me so much. So this girl is going to do them as much as I can.
This never needs to be a Goal or a Resolution because it is simple a way of life for me but taking in every moment I get with my boys and helping them to learn to love the entire process. Raising them is such a gift and blessing for me and I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for us!!!
There it is y’all. My 2019 goals, all obtainable. All going to allow me to become a better version of myself for my boys and for me.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as we begin this next journey of our lives. Your girl can’t wait!
Love and Light,