In a world where you are always needed and on the go, finding a way to balance life and not lose yourself is crucial. The hard part is finding a way to do that. It’s the balancing act that is key here. Allotting the right amount of time for everything that requires your attention. Being a working mother to three boys under the age of six is demanding enough. Once you add in housework, pets, cooking, doctors appointments, working out, meal planning, grocery shopping, bill paying, and giving everyone the amount of attention they need, we forget ourselves. We are drained and depleted. Most of the time running on fumes just trying to make it day to day.
Where is the joy in that?
How are we missing the big picture? We aren’t meant to live and simply survive. We need to be thriving, happy, and balanced. We miss so much when we set the cruise control button and coast through each day. A little laugh in the back seat we might have blocked out due to that phone call. The chance to dance in the kitchen with your son when his favorite song comes on because you’re cooking. Breathing in fresh air because there is no time to go outside when this pile of laundry is staring me in the face. Momma, this is no way to live! These moments are fleeting, and we are missing the best ones. I am just as guilty, but I want to find a way to change. Together, we can start a revolution.
In a world where you are always needed and on the go, finding a way to balance mom life and not lose yourself is crucial
When my first son was born, I set out to be a supermom. To do it all and be it all. I didn’t need help from anyone because I was his mother and “I got this.” Well, let me tell you what…we need to drop that charade. Where did the “it takes a village” mentality go? When families all helped each other, and that wasn’t considered a weakness but a way of life.
Fast forward almost seven years, add two more kids, and I’m begging someone to help a momma out! I don’t want to do it all and be it all. I want to enjoy the moments I am missing while trying to be the Pinterest mom, the keeper of the house, and just hold it all together. I want to find a way to balance these things and end each day feeling uplifted and not drained. Feeling like I put into the universe what I want to get back. How?
How do we do this, ladies?
First, I think stepping back and evaluating our situation is crucial. What bothers you the most? Where do you feel like you need the most change? What do you want to see more of and less of? Let’s be honest here; I would love to see fewer dishes and laundry, but that isn’t going to happen. I can, however, include my boys in that time and make moments while focusing on necessary tasks. It takes some patience and creativity, but I can teach them how to do chores and find a way to make it fun. Make it a game and a time where everyone can come and spend time together. Will it take longer at first? Sure, it will. After a while though, when everyone learns it, you will be saving time and making more time for the important things.
Next, we need to learn to not fret on the small things! They will still be there later, and, if we are honest, the messy playroom isn’t hurting anyone. This is such a hard one for me and my need for everything to be a certain way all the time. I am quickly realizing how much life I am missing when I am hyperfocused on tidiness. So, let’s make a pact to stop stressing about the things that don’t deserve our stress. Breathe, put on your tennis shoes, and get away from it all. Find a way to make memories with the ones you love. Including yourself! This doesn’t have to be lavish plans that cost a fortune. Go to the park, find some woods to hike and explore, go to the gym with your husband, and last but certainly not least, take a long shower or bath. Even if the kids are outside the door (or sitting on the bathroom floor) on their tablets. Take what you can get here.
I don’t want to do it all and be it all. I want to enjoy the moments I’m missing while trying to be the Pinterest mom, the keeper of the house, and just hold it all together.
This one might be the most important for myself and the hardest. Don’t compare yourself to other mommas, and don’t be so hard on yourself. We live in a social media society which can be wonderful but can also be detrimental if we allow it. Instead, let’s use it as a chance to get ideas, lift each other up, and be empowered. Each and every one of us is so different and that’s the way it was meant to be! How boring would it be if we were all the same? Self-reflection and self-doubt are some hard pills to swallow. What if we began to see ourselves the way our kids do? The way our partners do? Man, that would be a game changer. Viewing ourselves in a positive way is important, so let’s do it! Each day work a little harder to find the positive in you. Be a little less negative. Doubt yourself a little less than you did the day before and embrace each moment. Make each day count and make loving yourself a top priority.
These little changes aren’t going to make all the responsibilities go away.
They aren’t going to make you any less needed. We are in this role of life because we were placed here. But, these subtle changes can help you in how you approach each day and how you feel when it ends and it’s time for bed. Let’s shift our perspective and find life more rewarding. Let’s be aware and present so that we don’t miss the little things—the important things.
Originally written and posted on The Grit and Grace Project. *updated version*