A Letter to my younger Self

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Ashley,

No one ever really warns you of the crazy amount of pain you will feel in your life. They talk about how fast time goes, how you will miss these moments and the amazing experiences you will go through. They tell you about how you hold the key to your future and only you can decide where it takes you. What they don’t tell you is about the variables that play into your future, your decisions and ultimately the crushing disappointments from others. All of these thing will seem debilitating at times. You will literally feel like you can’t take another breathe or endure one more day. People you love with all your heart will disappoint you, break you and tear you down. However, each time they do, you won’t see the part where you get stronger. At first you probably won’t feel that change either. It is happening though! With each heartache and loss. You are growing stronger. Stronger in your spirit, your soul and you mind. Over time you learn coping mechanisms. Some will be healthy and some won’t. The amazing thing here is that as you grow and learn. You become a little wiser. The unhealthy coping mechanisms seem to become less and you root yourself into healthier choices that get you through. My dear you will learn that the people you thought cared most, didn’t. That’s okay though because you will see the people who have always cared will always be there. They will be there to lift you. When walking seems impossible, they are praying for you, loving you and cheering you on. Your tribe of friends will become smaller but they will be precious. I wish I could tell you that you won’t experience pain. I wish I could tell you the tears will be limited and smiles abundant. But, what is one without the other? You will love fiercely and be disappointed. You will be gifted with some of the most amazing gifts God could ever give you. You will be inspired by people you never thought you would meet and you my love will inspire others. Yes, you will be hurt and disappointed. You will suffer great losses. You will learn so many different ways to deal with and handle grief. Just know you always come out stronger. Learning from each experience. Having more grace then you did before and loving harder then you ever thought possible. Ashley, it won’t be easy. You will disappoint yourself more than you ever knew possible. But you will also learn to forgive yourself. Trust the process. Life is not always beautiful, but it is a beautiful ride!

 

Love you,

Ashley

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